Honeymoon Stage
Even the most abusive relationships start out romantic and loving. Many abusers act very sweet and kind, express a lot of love and make their partners feels special and cared for.
Tension Build-Up
Tension builds up gradually beginning with verbal abuse. Minor battering incidents occur. As the tensions builds, the victim tries to calm the abuser and anticipate the abuser's every need. The tension between the two becomes unbearable...like "walking on eggshells."
Explosion
This phase is shorter than the others, usually lasting from 2 to 48 hours. There is no escape once the battering has begun - only the battering can end the incident. The tension that builds up leads to severe verbal abuse, violent physical or sexual attack.
The violence is usually triggered by an outside event that causes the abuser stress. The victim will often deny the seriousness of the injuries to soothe the abuser, and to be assured the violence is over.
Return to Honeymoon
After the explosion, there is a return to a sense of calmness. The abuser may promise it will never happen again, act apologetic and loving and beg for forgiveness. Since the relationship has been deteriorating, the abuser's loving behavior is very important to the victim. It reinforces the victim's hope the abuser can change. The victim feels responsible for her abuser's behavior and the abuser's future welfare. They may feel that if they leave, they will be breaking up the home. The victim is least likely to leave during the honeymoon phase. If the victim stays it's not long before the cycle begins over again.
The Cycle
The cycle can cover a long or short period of time. Often as the pattern continues, the honeymoon phase gets shorter and violence increases. The assaults can also become more serious.
Often a victim gets caught in the cycle and becomes isolated form family and friends. The victim is either ashamed to see them or the abuser tells her not communicate with them. The victim becomes more dependant on the abuser and has few or not other people to help.
Domestic Violence and Children
Children who witness or experience abuse group up believing abuse is apart of a normal relationship. As they learn what they live, many children will grow up to abusers or abuse victims themselves.
Families find it hard to stop abuse for many reasons. One factor is a pattern of feelings and actions that comprise "The Cycle of Violence." Understanding the cycle may help you see what is happening in your family.
To view protection planning please view our Abuse page.